Evan Coyne Maloney

Naming the Swine Flu: a Battle of P.C. Hierarchy

We now have brewing an epic battle that will determine the relative importance of three different groups: Jews, Muslims and Mexicans.

You see, in the Hierarchy of Multiculturalism, when the interests of different identity groups conflict, the arbiters of political correctness must decide which group has the most victim cred. That’s how such disputes are settled: to the victim go the spoils.

Today’s battle involves the name of the influenza virus that’s currently causing worldwide panic. “Swine flu.” Say it with me: swine flu.

Do you feel a little dirty? No? How insensitive of you!

The term “swine flu” is apparently offensive to both Muslims and Jews, a pretty impressive bank-shot of an insult if you ask me.

So to alleviate this grave injustice of nomenclature, an Israeli health official proposes renaming the virus “Mexican flu.”

Now you see the conflict.

Try to use your knowledge of multiculturalism and political correctness to determine how this conflict gets resolved. Which identity group wins? And why?

Be careful, though! Improper thinking may result in being labeled a xenophobe, an anti-Semite, a racist, an Islamophobe, or some combination thereof.

Yes, this decision is fraught with peril—your views may mark you as a potential domestic terrorist—but this mental exercise will prepare you well for the New Era of Hope & Change.

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